Love-All

Hello, old friend.

The crisp green courts with pure white lines. So clean under the bright spotlights. Or so lush under the hot scorching sun.

I woke up early today and spent the morning watching Wimbledon highlights. My favourite Grand Slam of all times and the one which has inspired me in so many ways.

My lovely twin rackets, now split one in each country.

I remembered how proud and excited I was when I got both of them. I remembered how much joy and pain the game has brought me. It has been about 3 years since I last stepped onto the courts, held my babies in hand, sweated and tanned my skin off. The cruelty of physical training and all the pushing from all the ex-coaches...

I missed the outfits and shoes and bags and pre-game stress. Watching the players on court today on telly, I felt this sharp pang of regret and this strong urge to play. One regret was not being introduced to the game earlier, and not guided properly to balance my life. It was tough, the travelling and the training. The mental game and physical game. I wasn't the best player in the team but I love the game as much as anyone else did. I wasn't the fittest but I knew when I put my mind to it, I would not stop until I got it in hand.

I knew which parts I loved, when I was over-thinking and over-stepping. When I was on court, nothing else existed. Drama much? But I truly loved it, and I still do. I guess fear stands in the way when you have been burnt quite badly once.

Photos credits: mayydiaries.blogspot.com

A lamp made out of the familiar neon yellow balls. Maybe I will step back out there one day soon guided by the bright lights and blinding yellow. One day I will overcome the fear and superstition.

But the years spent in it taught me some lessons I will never forget and shaped me to be half of who I am. There were embarassing moments (too many), there were proud moments (few but deep in memory), there were upsetting moments (a few), there were angry moments (many of which vented out when I was young and rash).

Hey old friend, just don't completely forget me when I finally return to you...